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I spend my sleepless moments contemplating and reflecting about many things in life.
one of which is of course, the people in my life.
Being together with joel for a year now has well, taught me plenty of things in these 365 days together.
It is rather surprising that we are here, cause i've always known myself to be an independent girl of some sort, gonna-fly-to-italy-secretly on my wedding day kind of person.
Yet somehow, i find myself settling here, and actually needing the bearing of this young man.
And strangely how in these 365 days, i find myself feeling more than i never knew i could feel.
There aren't gonna be happy moments 24/7 everyday, but it's okay.
I remember learning this through the very first poem i analysed in literature class in SA. (surprisesurprise)
Before that, i have always thought that the "and they lived happily ever after" concept is true in such a way that two people who love each other will Always be happy, every minute, every second.
But that's not true in reality, and i suppose would be rather strange/mundane if there are no disagreements every now and then. We are humans after all, and we have our own opinions and perspectives about plenty of things. So we'll inevitably disagree on certain things no matter how many other issues we may agree on.
And one day, he's gonna make a mistake and make you sad, but you'll forgive him.
We're only human to make mistakes. Sometimes he may unintentionally hurt you with the words he say. Sometimes you will find yourself crying in the wee hours of the morning, wondering where everything is going. Sometimes it's gonna hurt really bad, but you'll forgive him cause you really want him to stay.
and chances are, he wouldn't have meant to hurt you anyway.
Being together with someone you love doesn't stop Life from throwing Lemons or raining on you.
Bad things happen to everyone, and we all get bad days.
Being together with someone doesn't mean that they can stop shit from happening to you.
Nor are they obliged to solve your problems for you.
But they do have the very power of making things better most, if not all of the time. (:
A big hug goes a long way.
There have been so many days when I'm exhausted and feeling terribly blue from stuff,
and although Joel can't solve these problems for me, he'll wrap his arm around my shoulders and draw me in for a huge gigantic tight hug like i'm a fat teddy bear while my voice crackle as i speak between welling tears.
He'll sit patiently as i finish my story before telling me not to dwell upon it and bending down to kiss me on the forehead.
Being together with someone you love will not ensure you have happy moments 24/7, but being together with someone who really cares for you will make those sucky moments a lot better as they become a band-aid to cover your wound.
That being said, Compromises are important,
especially in times of disagreements.
When fire meets fire, what happens?- an explosion.
No matter how bad the argument gets, and how exasperated we may be, compromises and understanding has to be the only solution to it.
One simply has to give in to another.
Sometimes we may not see eye to eye on a certain issue, but if we step back, calm ourselves down and TRY to understand the other's perspective of the situation, we will have a better grasp of our own argument and have a clearer perspective on things.
It may take hours maybe but at the end of the day, someone/both parties have to be willing to give in.
After all, one moment spent arguing is one less moment of being happy together (:
And when one gives in, the other just has to admit defeat too right? A fight can't just happen alone.
Acknowledging that you can see where the other person is coming from solves half the war, in my opinion.
Following which can be a peaceful compromising discussion.
(hahah, how diplomatic i sound)
Of course this should be accompanied by genuine understanding and willingness instead of giving in simply to stop the argument.
Cause chances are it'll arise again, and everything will repeat itself.
And yes, this is way easier said than done,
But, it's important nonetheless.
Hard to do so though, but should be done so yeah, aim for that (:
Funny thing about Joel and I is that we like to work things out at the end of the day.
cause we are pretty stubborn in nature, and i don't know why but im quite positive we get ourselves in the "wait for the other to talk first" situation.
Which usually means talking things out only during the last 10 mins of the day at the bus stop or somewhere.
which either becomes 2 hours of debate or 8 mins of debate and finally 2 mins of "you're right, im wrong".
hahaha, it's pretty inefficient when i spell it out like that, but at least it works for us!
Also, as you guys may know, i've been out of twitter for quite awhile now.
The lack of social media to convey "indirect" messages (vibes ahhem) when im upset at Joel surprisingly improved our communication (i think HAHA)
Instead of tweeting those unhappy things i did before, i have to channel them directly at him if i'm really upset.
Which of course makes things easier, cause now we can face it directly instead of interpreting tweets and thinking what's wrong. Efficiency.
The little things matter.
Our actions, no matter how minuscule in our opinion is in fact A LOT more noticeable to our SO.
Although some things may seem trivial to you, it may not be to the other. Thus the need to
C-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-e.
Communication forms the basis of anything sustainable.
Well there have been a couple of times when we did something unconsciously which ended up upsetting the other.
But instead of keeping mum about it and just sucking it up,
it's a better idea to spill it out and tell him that this or that made you unhappy.
Also, after being together for quite awhile now,
things will change inevitably and on days when i'm feeling a little uneasy/doubtful,
i try to reason myself out of it and focus on the little stuff that makes me happy (:
The little things-
such as the way his eyes lights up when he laughs,
the length of his strides as he walks,
the way his head tilts down as he falls asleep.
Sometimes we get caught up with all the stress around us and we forget the many wonderful little things about the person that we love.
(:
On that note, im gonna sound contradicting and possibly bipolar but....
DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.
overthinking is not the way to go.
and more often than not there isn't really a problem, it's just your head messing with you.
Oh and, somethings may annoy you, but just shut your eyes and *let it go, let it gooooo~*
somethings are just not worth arguing/getting upset about, you get me??
I wanted to quote examples but it's too embarrassing for myself...
and my parents would strangle me if i quote one of their silliest squabbles :x
Loving someone means that, he's most likely going to consume your entire head.
he's gonna be around and everywhere, and i've no idea how to explain this whole phenomenon but it's one of the best feelings on earth.
Being together with him taught me that someone will actually bother to entertain my little pleas no matter how silly they may sound. (hehe)
Being together taught me that it's not always about me, it's about us.
It makes me so instinctively aware of it,
morning breakfasts/lunches become a portion for two and movies would not be watched on my own but added to our to-do list to enjoy together.
It's no longer a "i'm so tired so can we go somewhere near",
but a "are you tired? let's go somewhere nearer for you".
Being together with Joel taught me that i've the capacity in me to care for him,
and instead of "go to the kitchen to make me a sandwich",
it becomes a "hey you hungry? want me to make you a sandwich?"
And last of all, one year together taught me that
All the world is made of faith, and trust and pixie dust.
-peter pan
TRUST,
because all things good start with a little faith.
