lost.
Hey,
i'm having a bit of a rough day.
ever since As ended, all i've been doing is going out to shop and eat and talk crap with my friends,
hanging out with my family.
but sometimes it gets a little physically tiring,
so when i retreat back home,
i'm kinda just left alone with me and my thoughts.
and everything i've been avoiding/trying not to think about just hits me like how...
i can't find a proper analogy.
but i feel as if im waking up from a long sedation.
it doesn't feel very nice, my friends.... :(
this is really me and my complete raw self here,
confiding into the world of people i do not know.
really.
and i really want to get rid of these bad emotions asap.
but i've no idea how to go about doing it.
i know it is a cliche,
go ahead and roll your eyes
but y'know
the hardest part of everything isn't the fact that things didn't work out,
the hardest hardest part of everything,
is knowing you lost a really really close friend.
the hardest part of everything,
even after this while,
is the acute awareness that whatever you are dying to share is no longer going to be shared with that same person you're so very used to.
it's the lump at the back of your throat when you have questions to ask but you have to shove them right down because you are darn confused about where you stand.
the hardest part,
is getting enough guts to face all the bits and pieces again,
when every molecule and atom of you is cowering away.
and tonight is another futile attempt.