How to make a tough decision

take a shower

sit on the toilet seat for 10 whole minutes staring at the wall and marble tiles.

name the options aloud.

reason with yourself for another 5 minutes how sending a text is a bad idea.

allow yourself another 5 minutes to think of the worst outcome.

get into the shower and start putting shampoo into your hair.

while standing under the jets of water, realize that the only person between you and the worst possible outcome that can make you feel shitty is you.

Feel empowered.

make a choice.

finish your shower and towel yourself dry.

look into the mirror and still feel slightly unsure about your decision.

get dressed.

go back into your room.

pick up your phone.

type the text.

realize that your heart beat has accelerated.

wonder how your heart rate is faster than 45 minutes ago when you just finished pilates.

see the person go online on whatsapp.

curse "shit" about ten times and hope that he goes offline.

understand that you're being silly.

breathe and count to ten slowly.

and then in lightning speed,

hit the send button.see the double tick sign.hit the power button so that your phone screen turns pitch black.

take a deep breath.

turn back to your laptop and type out this blog entry.