It may sound like nothing to some of you right now that you're older, but in this present moment,
20 is d a u n t i n g.
I don't want to grow old.
I yearn to be with child-like innocence and naivety as I've ever had, yet as the years pass and life happened, I find myself growing oddly mature- more aware of how dysfunctional the social world is, how dysfunctional I can be.
I don't want to grow up.
Innocence is beautiful, untainted. And child-likeness is innocent, while growing up is not.
Perhaps, what I fear is not age itself (it is after all just a number), but growing to be sinful instead.
Is sinful the correct word to use?
There are parts of me which I rather I do not have- but to pacify myself and to soothe this concern, I call it human nature.
I am human after all, and humans are flawed.
Perhaps, just perhaps, this is why I am drawn to innocence, genuineness and naivety.