I don't flare up usually, i'm pretty chill at everyone else in general,
except for myself and my sister.
I don't quite know how to explain it,
but when I do get mad,
I get really mad.
really, really mad.
It would be the point of hysteria; so impulsive that even I scare myself at times.
I lose myself in that moment of madness.
I realised that one of the things that really tick me off is when people fear to stand up for themselves.
I have to admit, it is a personal issue and I suck at handling it.
When I see people fear, i get haunted by the history of myself fearing and,
I hate it.
I hate seeing people cower, I hate seeing myself cower.
I cannot tolerate people being a weak ball for others to kick around.
I cannot accept it.
And every time I see my sister cower at home because of some bitchy girl in school that thinks she is the fucking queen of the universe,
I want to pi(u)nch my sister to her senses, to get up and stand up against imbeciles like this.
But every time I want to do that (I don't actually pinch my sister, but I am often very close to doing it)
I see the heightened fear in her eyes, and I realise how much of a monster I can be myself.
And then I stomp away to cry angry tears and try not to beat myself up for being such an asshole to her, to myself.
I need to forgive myself.
It is okay to cower.
It is okay that I didn't stand up for myself.
It is okay to fear.